I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
