I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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