It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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