I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
