I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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