We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
