She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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