So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
