porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
