from now on my penis is your penis
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
