I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
