Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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