i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
