whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
