I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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