I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
