im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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