so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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