How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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