No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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