I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
