he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
