We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you win again, gameday.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
