Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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