I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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