We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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