Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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