its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
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I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
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I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.