Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome