It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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