Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
