Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.