my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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