RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
