my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
