im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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