Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
