cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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