i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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