I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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