I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
