my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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