i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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