my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
