are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
