the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
