I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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