I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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