Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
