Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
