I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
