It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
