so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
