I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
