About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
