i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
