I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
