dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
