Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
