she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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