Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
