so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
