So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
