If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
