I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
