she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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