my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize