Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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