So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't put those talents on a resume
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
