My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
