I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My dick has a subreddit
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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