i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
