Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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