so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Terrible idea I love it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
