I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
