When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
