Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
