on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
