Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
