im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
