hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
