We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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