It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
