is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
